Memoirs of a Masochist
by Animic
Summary: There was something unsettling about the way she spoke. Something uncanny about the way she made him feel. She was the trigger that shot the gun. He was the bullet that came as a result. For who would he have been without Matilda?


_Hello reader!! Thanks for stumbling upon my Tom/OC fic. This is my first. Tom/OC romance. I really like it, though. The main OC, Matilda, is the perfect match for Tom I think. She uses a lot of quotes from the movies and books. I did that on purpose because I wanted it to give a reason as to why Voldemort says the things. Because they came from and remind him of Matilda. I really hope you like it!! It skips scenes a lot but I needed it too for the sake of the story. Sorry if it annoys you. haha.  
_**_-Animic_**

* * *

**Memoirs of a Masochist**

* * *

The sky was ominous. Only Matilda would take gratitude in a night such as tonight. The way the dark grey clouds overlapped each other and the moon so desperately itching to reveal its appearance. In the distance, a pack of wolves could be heard howling at the full, clear moon. A moon that would make humans lose their shape and form into ugly creatures known as werewolves. The sadistic werewolves that edged to feast on humans and anything else that caught in their path. Again, only Matilda would find it intriguing. The pain…

She took a breath of the fresh air. Polluted by muggles and their, so they called, clever inventions. As she glanced down at her arms, she noticed the clever artwork that appeared on her wrist. The independent lines formed shapes and creations on her arms that left small little red designs. Designs filled with the scent and appearance of dried and blotched blood. Every so often, the blood would be released again due to Matilda's voluntary hand.

The sight didn't bother her. Pain was the only thing that could make her feel alive. Make her feel as if she wasn't just rotting away in this dreadful prison of life. The prison she would be kept in until she finally got the sweet release of death. Death. The venom that slowly spreads throughout a humans lifespan, infecting bugs and viruses inside intended to hunt the being down till the last of their days.

You could call her a pessimistic. Or a solely depressed and seriously disturbed individual. Neither would be too close nor would it be too far off. Neither trait described Matilda. Few words describe her. Crazy was neither here nor there. Vampire was an exaggeration and slayer was a notch under. Forever a member of St. Mungo's is more likely the term for her.

"Here again?" she heard from behind her. A smile crept across her face as she saw who the figure was. Why it was Tom Marvolo Riddle. A fellow Slytherin. Her face was half covered in the shadows but her Cheshire cat grin showed through even the darkest places on earth.

"The ignominy implants itself on the one who dismisses a firmament such as tonight," she replied, her eyes still gazed onto the black lake. The lake shimmered with an eerie glow that would put northern lights to shame. The light reflected in the lake from the moon causing a nature light show.

Tom smirked a bit at the response he received. Matilda was known for her intelligent and often eccentric replies. Her voice was different than any other he had come across before. Not just the way she spoke, but how she said it. What she said. One was lucky to even understand what she meant in the first place.

"Where did you learn to talk like that?" Tom asked, his eyebrow raised as if a hook had been placed there for a certain purpose.

Matilda imitated the action as her other eyebrow raised in the same technique. "The apple does not fall far from the tree. Yet, I was born an orange," she whispered. There were always hidden meanings in whatever Matilda had to say. She was the strangest person Tom had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She had always intrigued him. It always seemed that everyone, including the Gryffindors, were interested in the things she had to say.

Tom thought for a moment as he paced towards her. "A simple 'I don't know' would have sufficed," he said with a small grin.

Matilda sent a look of malice over at the boy. "The blind man who now sees does not walk around with his eyes closed," she told Tom.

He couldn't help but laugh. She had such weird sentence structure. Such an odd combination of responses. "You're a strange one," he told her with a gentle grin.

"The Mad Hatter can spot the March Hare a mile away," she said with a smile. Tom understood. Basically, she was saying that it takes a madman to spot another madman.

Tom was silent for a long time and Matilda made no indication of speaking to him any time soon. She only stood in the middle of the grounds, watching the lake. Her arms were at her sides as she stood at such an awkward stance that didn't seem to bother her in the slightest.

The way her dark brown hair blew in the wind left him positive chills in his spine. She was the most eccentric female he had ever laid eyes on before. He had never met someone who thought things through so much. Tom always wondered what lay behind the mask. What she was really hiding. Why she was the way she was. Tom wanted to know more about the girl that didn't even know herself.

* * *

Matilda sat at the common room. Her hands sat in her lap as she stared straight forward. Girls came and passed by her casting uneasy looks. Matilda generated strange looks such as these wherever she ventured. People were afraid of her. Intimidated. As if they think she would strike at any second. Matilda had never killed or hurt anyone except for herself, but that was not what the rumours said.

She felt a pair of eyes on the back of her head and closed her eyes gently. "The stalker becomes the hunted, Marvolo," she told him. Basically saying that she knew he was there and he should just come up and speak with her. When you're speaking with Matilda, you had to analyze her words to figure out the hidden meanings. What she really said.

Tom was a bit taken back. Barely anyone called him Marvolo. Barely anyone knew that he hated the name Tom. She was such a strange one.

"Hello there, Matilda," he greeted her, sitting himself next to her on the couch. She didn't budge. Matilda's stance remained, staring straight ahead as if deep in thought. Or she was in a competition with herself to see how long she could remain still.

"Likewise," she said, her face remaining unchanged.

He looked down at her arms and noticed various scratches and bruises. Tom narrowed his eyes slightly. "Have you been hurt?" he asked her.

Matilda grinned at his comment. No one had ever really asked about her scars. How she got them, or who she got them from. Not many people knew that she enjoyed causing herself pain. That she longed for the feeling of blood.

"Life is filled with hurt when happiness doesn't work," she replied. Her expression was still the same, however her eyes flickered in Tom's direction. He didn't understand at first trying to analyze her little riddle. With Matilda, everything she said meant something. You just had to be inquisitive to understand it. Why she wasn't put into Ravenclaw was a mystery to him.

He thought on it for a few seconds when he realized something. "You did this to yourself?" he asked, a bit confused. Why would someone deliberately cause themselves pain? Without a word, Matilda nodded. "Why?" he asked her.

Matilda turned her entire head this time into his direction. "Rather feel pain than nothing at all, " she told him.

Tom pondered this. He supposed that was true. Pain confirmed the fact that one was alive. He wasn't sure he would rather feel pain, though. Matilda made him think so much. It was weird.

"Is there any advice you can't give?" he asked with a small smile. Matilda glanced at him and said nothing. If he didn't want to hear her insights, then he should just stop coming up to her to chat. She had better things to think about.

"You look like you have much on your mind," Marvolo said, a bit worried. What was she hiding behind that beautiful Cheshire cat grin? What horrors in her past caused her attitude? It had to have been something in her past.

Matilda gave him a look of distant wonder. As if she was a million miles away from the present. Either in the past or the future. Or both.

"An empty mind is an empty soul," she told him. It was getting easier for Tom to see through the hidden meanings in her words. When he decoded her words, he was learning more and more about her. By hearing that, he concurred that meant she always had something on her mind. Always.

"Name one," he pleaded. He wanted to know what was on her mind. Just one thing. Just to see who she really was. He knew nothing of her besides the fact that she was a bit off her rocker.

Matilda thought for awhile. He wanted to know what was on her mind, did he? Nobody ever really did. They were too afraid of what was on her mind. Hmm. "One. Well, currently, I am playing hot and cold with self-control," she said.

Tom was relieved she was telling him something. Even though he had to decipher whatever she was saying. Everything was a code. A puzzle. A riddle. She was the most interesting person he had ever met. "So, basically. That means….you're struggling with self-control. With what? What are you trying to control yourself from doing?" he asked her. Matilda nodded. It was strange. How he understood the way she spoke. Most people would scratch their head and give up. But Tom could see through her. He could understand her.

Matilda gave him a dangerous and leering gaze. Such was confidential information that she wouldn't let just any Slytherin know of. "Only Nagini knows," she told him. With that, Matilda stood and went towards the girls dormitory.

That was odd. Tom didn't know any girl named Nagini. Who was Nagini? Nothing made sense to him. Something was up with Matilda. She didn't have many friends so Tom made it a goal to try and befriend her. Gain her trust. Then maybe something would come up.

* * *

Over the weeks and months, Tom and Matilda grew unsurprisingly close as their friendship grew. Tom and Matilda would go to their spot near the black lake every full moon and Tom would watch her stare at her self-proclaimed light show in the reflection. She still never revealed anything about her past or her problems.

But that was alright. All he needed was her smile. All she needed was his presence. They were happy. The strangest girl in school and the most mysterious boy in school were best friends. The intimidating couple. The couple of doom. They had many nicknames.

There was something Tom always noticed though. Matilda had scars. Bruises. Cuts. Constantly. Always a new wound when he saw her. He never asked since that one day as he figured she would refuse to speak. And he was right. She never spoke of the topic. Always told him something fancy that always meant 'let it be'. He didn't know who was causing these injuries. He only knew that as soon as he found out, he would beat the crap out of them.

Matilda was the closest thing to a best friend. She didn't care that he was creepy or mysterious and he didn't care that she was strange and eerie. They accepted each others faults and even embraced them.

For the while, it seemed as if time stood still for the friends. But there came a time that one of them wished for more. Friendship ceased to exist. It was replaced by something else. Something that they both desperately wanted badly.

Matilda was out near the black lake as the full moon took it's place in the sky. The sky wore the moon as it's pendant that night. An irresistible night. One unforgettable. Matilda felt a pair of hands go around her waist. She did not flinch nor did she look behind her. She could sense the cold skeleton hands of her friend. Her only friend.

"Remember when we first spoke?" he asked her. The first time they had ever exchanged conversation was here. On a night just like tonight.

Matilda nodded. "One never forgets the day they truly awake," she told him.

Tom smiled. "I've never met anyone like you in my life," he told her, resting his head upon her shoulder.

"And I, you," she told him.

Tom released his hold on the girl and she gave a look of confusion. As if she didn't understand why he let her go. Matilda had always fancied the man in black. The only man she knew that could speak in silence. Matilda saw great things for him. The aura that generated off him made even her hair stand on end. Goosebumps planted on her arms when she even thought of the man.

Tom looked deep into her eyes as she copied the move. The net move was inevitable. Tom stared at her lips in longing. For too long he had dreamt of what it would have been like to kiss the lips that speak the words in which echo in his head every day. Matilda was perfect in every way. He can't imagine a person more suited for him.

Cold, skeleton fingers made their way onto Matilda's cheeks. Eyelids closed as their lips slowly touched. It was a short kiss. Nothing like the long and soppy make-out scenes you see in crappy American movies. The kiss was short but powerful. It sent jolts of electricity through both of them. Such was the strength of their chemistry.

Each stared into the others eyes for a long time. Nothing was said. Nothing was uttered or breathed. For that time and that time alone, it was only them. No fancy riddles. No harsh accusations. Just Marvolo and Matilda. Together. At last.

* * *

Matilda was a special case. Tom knew that before he even spoke to her. There was something unsettling about the way she spoke. Something uncanny about the way she made him feel. It was no surprise that her effortless charm drew him to her. But something was wrong. Something that Matilda had not shared with even Tom.

He knew something was wrong. He just never predicted it to be this.

Matilda sat in her usual spot. The nice cool breeze brushed through her hair but she hardly noticed. Something else was happening. She wasn't alone. A long figure was making it's place upon her neck. Squeezing and squeezing her throat. Her face was a mixture of agony and pleasure. An emotion lost on most people.

Tom approached her with haste when he saw this happening. All he saw was a snake tightly coiling itself around his loves neck. That was enough for him to see that trouble was coming.

"Matilda!" he yelped as if him saying her name would be enough to spare her. Tom knew. Once a snake decides it's prey, there was little hope. However, Matilda was alive. She turned around and even smiled at him. Her Cheshire Cat grin which was saved only for him and only at times when she was at her happiest. Tom was utterly bewildered and befuddled. Every day he seemed to learn something new about the mystery that was of Matilda.

Tom ran and tried to pull at the snake desperately to get him off of her neck but the snake only hissed. "It's alright, Tom," she said calmly. Although her expression did not say so. The snake was squeezing her. She was wincing from the pain the snake was causing her. He should have been going mad. Insane. Protective. But her calmness was rubbing off on him. He was feeling fine about the fact that the love of his life was being choked to death by a snake.

"How is it alright, Matilda?!" he exclaimed. Matilda smiled.

"This is Nagini," she explained. "Say hello, Nagini," she told the snake.

Suddenly, he heard the snake speak in a cold and scratching voice. "Hello, Marvolo. I've heard much about you," Nagini told him. Tom widened his eyes. He had never told Matilda that he could speak to snakes. He supposed he never asked if she could because he believed that that trait was specific and unique to him.

Tom then remembered that one day when he asked her about what she was trying to control herself from. She said only Nagini knew. This must be the Nagini she was talking about. Her pet snake.

Suddenly, the snake removed it's choke hold from his beloved. It caused him a bit of ease until the next thing happened. The snake opened it's mouth, bared it's teeth, and sunk it's fangs into Matilda's shoulder. The strangest thing was that Matilda was smiling the whole time. As if the snake had been licking her ear.

"Is that snake poisonous?!" he said, still shocked.

Matilda remained her smile. "Not to me," she explained. Tom looked at her strangely. What did she mean not to her? So, the snake was poisonous. But somehow did not affect her. The snake lifted it's teeth from Matilda's shoulder. She smiled at the snake and nodded. The snake slithered to the ground and laid at Matilda's feet as she stroked it's scaled backside gently.

Nothing made sense to him right now. Matilda seemed to understand. Over the past weeks and months, she'd grown close to Tom. So close in fact that she was going to entrust her secret. The secret to her oddity.

"Marvolo….what makes you feel?" she asked, starting off easy.

He looked at her strangely. Where was this going? He answered with the first honest answer he could come up with. "You."

Matilda smiled. Her eyes were not on him, though. The remained on Nagini as she stroked it's backside once more. The snake made a low hissing noise. Not a threatening one. It was equivalent to the purring of a cat.

"What makes you feel?" he asked. He figured she was asking the question so he would ask her. He knew from the start that her answer would be nothing like Tom's. Or anything he would have even imagined.

"Pain," she responded simply. Tom didn't say anything. He didn't understand. "There are few individuals that are worthy of truth, Marvolo. If I said you were not of those few, it would have been an sadistic lie. So, your ears will see my past," she told him.

Tom looked at her with saddened eyes. A story he had wanted to hear since the beginning of time it seemed but she did not seemed at all thrilled to tell it. At least she chose a time to be honest. He had to mentally prepare himself for what was to come.

"I have an obsession, Marvolo. A problem," she warned him. As she said this, she took out a knife and cut a large slit in her palm. Instantly, blood oozed out of the wound and, again, Tom saw Matilda smile. "I am not afraid of pain. Of blood. Or hurt. I thrive on it. I do not know why. Pain gives me pleasure. Torture. Pain. Blood. All are very tempting in eyes such as mine. They call me a masochist," she told him.

Tom looked at her with a lack of emotion. He wasn't sure what to think. They only thought that went through his mind was that he had definitely never met anyone like her in his life before. And he doubted he ever would. She was a blessing in disguise. A hideous masochistic disguise.

Then, he did something strange. Tom grabbed her hand and traced the blood around with his fingers. His eyes glued to the small drops of gushes of blood. Slowly, he raised the hand with the blood and gently started to lick it drop by drop from her hand. When he finished, he took her hand in his then used his other to draw her close to him and placed a violent kiss on her lips.

He bit her lip. Hard. So hard that it bled. She didn't draw back or flinch. He felt her blood in his mouth as he kissed her passionately. It was salt in an open wound. But then why did it feel so good for Matilda?

* * *

Matilda sat still as a log in her divination class. Tom sat beside her, his hand resting on her knee. She made no such notion. Her attention was into the crystal ball. Matilda was serious about divination. She truly believed that she possessed sight. Tom didn't doubt it. Most prophets were eccentric and that described Matilda perfectly.

"Anything good?" Tom asked her as she gazed into the crystal ball. He didn't believe in prophecies that much but he supported Matilda in anything she chose to do. And that included divination.

Matilda did not reply. She was in a trance as her eyes glued to the ball. She saw an arm. On the arm was a skull. Inside the skulls mouth was a snake. It resembled Nagini. The arm suddenly zoomed out and she saw three people. The Carrow siblings on either side. In the middle was her one and only. Marvolo. He was standing with his arms folded. Nagini was wrapped around him and each of the Carrows had the skull with the snake on their arm. The snake was moving on their arm. Suddenly, black smoke clouded the crystal ball. The words 'TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE' appeared in bright yellow letters with a background of smoke. Suddenly, the letters started moving. Rearranging themselves. They now formed the words 'I AM LORD VOLDEMORT'

Soon after that, everything turned dark. Matilda passed out on her seat. She wasn't sure what just happened. Was she having a vision? What was to happen??

* * *

Many things happened the next year. Mudbloods were being threatened left and right. One even killed from something called the Chamber of Secrets. Tom had changed. Not that Matilda minded. He was more violent and harsh with her. Something she daresay she preferred than the calm and soothing old Tom.

Deep inside she still saw her loving and caring Tom though. Tom only showed his soft side to her. He never spoke to her about all the evil things he had been plotting. She was his weakness. They both knew it. Even Matilda knew. One day, he revealed to her everything. They sat at their spot near the black lake on a nice full moon.

"Matilda," he started. Matilda looked towards Marvolo. "There is something I must tell you. You, of all people, know my hatred of stupid mudbloods and their families. Squibs possibly even more. I vow to finish Salazar Slytherin's noble work. I will become the greatest sorcerer in the world and will rule over all the other witches and wizards! When I reach the secret to immortality, I will live forever. Tom Marvolo Riddle will rid the world of all mudbloods and we will live in a pure-blooded magical world. People will cower in fear of the mere mention of my name! The mere memory! But the most important thing…is you. I want you right by my side. I wish for you to be my bride," he said. Tom grabbed her hand and pulled out something from his pocket. He opened the box and inside it revealed a ring. It had a large stone in it that was ring. "This is a ring that has been passed down through generations in my family. The Gaunt ring. I want you to have it."

Matilda said nothing. Her expression did not change. It remained the same. Not stunned. Not satisfied. A blank expression.

"No," she told him blankly.

Tom was a bit taken back. He did not expect such a response from the love of his life. They had been together for years. He expected a kiss, hug, and a big yes.

She now saw his future. She knew what she saw in that crystal ball that one day. She saw his infamous success. Matilda looked into his eyes and saw weakness.

"No, Marvolo," she told him again. Pain reached Tom's face. Why would she say no? Did she not love him? He forced himself not to cry but how could she do something such as this to him? After he had sacrificed so much.

"I love you, Tom Marvolo Riddle. Make no mistake or assumption otherwise. There is no heart that I would rather wish to share my soul with than this one," she said, placing her hand on his chest over his heart. "I look into your eyes and it hurts my insides. I am your weakness, Tom. I am the leverage that would hold you back. I fear great danger for you results in my existence. People will use me to get to you. To harm you. To overpower you. To end you. This is not my wish. Nor is it yours."

Tom smiled. He loved how much this girl cared about him. Entirely. Anything he chose to do, she was for it in every single way. He was truly touched. "They wouldn't get to you. I will be the greatest sorcerer in the world. More so than the Dumbledore," he explained to her. But Matilda still wasn't convinced.

"Greatness inspires envy. Envy engenders spite. Spite spawns lies. What if I was to lie? Turn against you in the end? This is something I do not wish for you, Marvolo. I am going to ask of you something. Something that no one will ever ask of you," she told him.

"Name it. I will give you anything," he promised her.

"Kill me, Tom Marvolo Riddle," she said. Her voice held not doubt. It was certain and still. He was taken back.

Tom narrowed his eyes. "You can't be serious, Matilda," he said. His anger started to show. How dare she suggest such a thing!

Matilda said nothing but reached into her pocket. She pulled out a newspaper clipping and placed it in Tom's hands. Instead of letting him read it, she explained it to him. "When I was a little girl, I killed my family. All of them. Much like you did. Soon after that, I became what I am. A masochist. I felt nothing. Marvolo, you would be able to get away with it. Tell them that I have confessed to my murder and you granted me eternal sleep. You would not be punished. And you would be free of me forever."

Tom opened his mouth in horror. He didn't understand why she was suggesting something so abhorent. "Matilda. I will be the greatest evil the world has ever seen. I want you to see me become it. I cannot bring myself to kill you," he admitted. "I love you."

"There is no good and evil. There is only power. And those too weak to see it," she told him. "If you are strong, you will kill me. I know you love me, Marvolo. The feeling is as mutual as it is obvious. But I am a roadblock. If you are to be as strong as you claim you wish to be, roadblocks are not tolerated. I will hold no grudge against you. Will you kill me, Marvolo? Or will I be forced to kill myself?" she asked.

Tom let in a deep breath. Everything she said made sense to him. She was right. One hundred percent right. Love would bring problems for him in the future if he continued it. He saw that much now. Tom let out a sigh.

"I will," he told her. Matilda smiled. That was the odd thing about her. Such a statement would be something to scare a person but Matilda was happy about it. Joyful. Excited.

"I hope you get everything you wish for, Marvolo. Do it now but if I may. I have a few wishes of my own before I go," she said.

"Anything," he said. The least he could do was fulfill her wishes.

"Take Nagini and raise her. She will make a good companion. One more. Please give me a death that would come to my liking," she told him. Tom knew exactly what she meant. Matilda was a masochist. A lover of pain and torture. This was the last thing he could do for her.

Tom forced his lips agianst hers and yanked her hair, pulling many strands out. Her bit her lip as hard as he possibly could as he had the first time they passionately kissed. Tom remained linked to her until he pulled away. When he drew back, he wasn't finished.

"Crucio," he said as he pointed his wand at his beloved. Matilda was on the ground. She felt the pain but took it in a different way. Matilda bit her lip deeply drawing more blood but a smile crept on her face. Her Cheshire Cat grin. While the curse remaining in effect, Tom gripped her wrist and pulled her up, kissing her violently even still.

He ended the spell and looked into her eyes. She knew what was next. Matilda nodded and closed her eyes gently and calmly. As if she was about to go get a good nights rest. Tom leaned forward towards her ear.

"I love you, Matilda," he whispered in her ear. Matilda let in a deep quivering sigh and Tom kissed her next to her ear. "Avada Kedavra," he said lowly. The spell hit in slow motion as Matilda fell backwards. Tom went anxiously to catch her. Her eyes were closed and in peace. Tom placed one last kiss on her cold, dead lips. With that, he lied her on the ground. Her favorite place in the world would now be her resting place.

* * *

It was now that Tom vowed never to love again. Matilda had taught him so much. Warned him. She knew that love would leave to his downfall. He would never love another other than her the rest of his life. She would always remain in his life.

Tom went into the girls dormitory to retrieve Nagini. Nagini seemed to already have been aware of what happened. Apparently, Matilda had informed him of what she was going to do. Nagini followed Tom willingly and agreed to being his companion for the remainder of his days.

He was going through her things when he came across something. Drawings by Matilda. They were labeled 'Crystal Ball Vision.' Tom remembers vividly the day she passed out without warning when looking into the Crystal Ball. She seemed to have drawn out everything that she saw.

Tom saw that skull with the snake through it. He also saw his name re-arranged into the words 'I AM LORD VOLDEMORT'

A smile crept across his lips. His new name and his new symbol. All thanks to Matilda.

* * *

**Hola! Hope you liked! Review?!? Never done a Tom/OC so I would love to see how I did. :) **

**Thanks for reading! Even if you don't review!**


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